hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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