Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
