So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
