carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
