He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My life is pants optional.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
