she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
