I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
