When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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