If i come over, it means nothing
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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