i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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