omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
