I wanna passion pit in your ass
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
