A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
