I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
