You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
