can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
time to smoke my breakfast
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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