Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
