but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
