She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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