I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
