I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
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