i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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