Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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