He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
