sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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