that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
