dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
kristin has been a bad kristin
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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