I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
