the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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