he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
