I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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