Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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