She's JV to your varsity
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
