Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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