escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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