when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
