it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
