He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
