CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
