You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize