He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
