Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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