Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
