She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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