if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
