i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
