plz talk dirty to me
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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