She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
