So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
