toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
