Got a toothbrush?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
