well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
