hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We have started to decorate penises.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
