What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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