Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
