hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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