break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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