Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize