Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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