id be glad to
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize