I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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