We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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