And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
