she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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