You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
