2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
