i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
time to smoke my breakfast
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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