My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Oh god it's open bar.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
