we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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