you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
