Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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