Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
