I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
