Your mouth is God's brothel.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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