Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
