Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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