please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
