If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Less talking, more tequila
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
