He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
