That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
