Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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