this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
