I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize