Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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