it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
