: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
