and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
