We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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