we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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