one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Acid is not a monday night drug
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am available for nakedness
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
