No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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