Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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