good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
