i don't plan on having that self control this summer
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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