I wish I only lived at night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Let's paint friendship bongs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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