how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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