Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
