I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
